Madame Joubert
by f1gymnast
Summary: Athos, Porthos and Aramis are given the mission to escourt Madame Joubert to Paris. The only problem is that they fear her reputation. No D'Artagnan yet but he may be included in a second chapter. Does contain innuendo and is meant to be lighthearted. Please read and review. :)


**Hello. This idea came to light when I was writing chapter 16 of When a Friend Calls. Although there is no need to read that fic to enjoy this one. So hopefully this adds some humour to your day and has our musketeers feeling rather out if their depth. This is set before the series so unfortunately there is no D'Artagnan. Yet.**

 **I hope you enjoy this. As always I do not own the characters and all mistakes are mine! :)**

 **This is for Diana who encouraged me to write this after reading my other fic. :)**

* * *

Madame Joubert

The musketeers arrived at their destination all looking rather worried. Athos, Porthos and Aramis knew why they had been sent on this mission and Captain Tréville would certainly have the last laugh. This would surely teach them to stop duelling with red guards for a while. Maybe.

'Just before we go in,' Aramis looked hesitant as he dismounted his light brown horse whose name was Toffee. 'Let's agree that this is every man for himself?'

Athos and Porthos also looked worried and nodded in agreement as they dismounted their horses, Chocolate and Rum.

'The rumours can't all be true, right?' Porthos had never been so scared of a woman or more accurately the rumours surrounding a woman.

'I guess we'll find out,' Athos was the first to move towards the door which was opened by butlers who looked very smart and rather haughty. They entered the beautiful hallway which had its own chandelier and could see the wealth shining in front of them.

'Madame Joubert will be with you shortly,' a servant told them while eyeing the mud trail they had left on the floor. The musketeers exchanged looks confirming that none of them were sorry about the mud. They looked around nervously noticing various paintings hung on the walls and rather expensive tables with vases of fresh flowers.

'Oooooh,' they all looked up to see a rather large woman appear at the top of the stairs. She slowly descended but her eyes were glued on her prize or rather prizes. All three musketeers bowed as she approached them.

'Well now,' she stopped in front of them. Maybe a little too close. She was much shorter than them and her dark hair was styled in a way that framed her face. Her eyes were dark brown and there was certainly more than a hint of mischief in them. She was wearing a gown of bright purple that clearly enhanced her enormous bosom, which the musketeers figured was rather the point. 'Captain Tréville sent me some handsome men this time!' she exclaimed as her eyes looked at them greedily. The musketeers did their best to school their faces but clearly this woman was as she had been described.

She watched them closely before smiling. 'What are your names?' she asked beaming.

'Aramis.'

'Athos.'

'Porthos.'

'Well when we're alone you can call me Viola!' she winked and watched but the men had managed to keep their masks in place. Normally the musketeers were nervous wrecks by this point. She was rather impressed at the trio Captain Tréville had sent along. They were more of a challenge and how she liked challenges.

'Excuse me, Madame Joubert. Your luggage is on the carriage,' a butler had appeared and quickly disappeared.

She turned to the musketeers.

'So...' she smiled with her eyes glinting with mischief. 'Which one of you shall ride in the carriage with me?' This caused a ripple of discomfort much to her delight.

'Madame Joubert,' Athos spoke in a rather commanding voice. 'We are here for your protection so it would be best if we were all riding alongside the carriage where we can assess any danger quickly and react to if necessary.'

'Oh but I insist,' she moved closer to Athos so that he could easily stare down her dress if he chose to. 'I am surely much safer with one of you next to me,' she silkily but with an obvious sense that she would get her way in the end.

The musketeers were speechless and struggling to think of another reason for none of them to ride in the carriage next to her.

'So which one should I pick?' she cocked her head to the side grinning widely as she knew they could not object. 'You,' she pointed at Aramis who was cursing slightly at his misfortune while Athos and Porthos breathed a sigh of relief. 'Aramis,' she said teasingly and Aramis felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

'Madame,' he bowed slightly only to find her right in front of him and he was looking down her dress. He quickly stood up but she clearly knew what she had done. She was surely a woman to be reckoned with.

'It's Viola, Aramis,' she took his arm and started to steer him towards the front door. 'We are going to get to know each other rather well.' She turned behind her and smiled, sending a chill down Athos' and Porthos' spines. 'Don't worry boys it takes three days to arrive in Paris so I will get to know you all.'

Aramis tried to suppress a grin while Athos and Porthos exchanged worried looks.

* * *

Once outside the carriage was revealed and Madame Joubert indicated that Aramis should enter first even though he tried to point out that she should go first. Athos and Porthos were revelling in Aramis' discomfort and were watching the four men of Madame Joubert's who would be accompanying them. As he climbed the steps Aramis felt the right cheek of his backside being pinched and couldn't help his reaction as he stood up straight. He could hear her laughing behind him. He dared not turn and look around at Porthos and Athos.

Aramis sat down in the carriage and although there were two seats he realised that trying to sit opposite 'Viola' was not going to be possible. Madame Joubert plonked herself down beside him and instantly her leg was brushing up against his. Aramis had removed his sword belt before entering the carriage and placed the piece on the opposite seat just as Madame Joubert placed her hand on his knee making him jolt.

'You're a jumpy one,' she said softly. 'I thought a man like you would be well accustomed to a woman's touch.'

'I do have some experience,' Aramis said through gritted teeth as he sat back and the carriage rocked into motion. He was well aware that the roads were bumpy and the carriage was rather small. They would be pressing against each other for quite a while.

'But I bet you always make the first move,' she squeezed his knee sending another jolt though him as she laughed.

'Indeed, Madame-.'

'Viola,' she corrected softly and sensually.

'Viola,' Aramis managed to get out while he pondered how he could escape his predicament.

'So the musketeers are the best soldiers,' she said matter-of-factly with her hand still resting on Aramis' left knee. 'I bet you're good with a sword.'

'I prefer to shoot actually,' he grimaced as he realised how she would likely twist what he had said.

'Really?' she was now making circles on his knee and Aramis was trying to force himself to relax. 'So if you wanted to shoot me, you could?' Aramis saw his chance.

'From fifty feet I could put a musket ball right there,' he pointed between her eyes and gently touched her.

'Nice comeback,' she said pressing herself against him and noticed the two pistols that he carried. 'Those are pretty,' she pointed at them and Aramis took them from his belt hoping to leave the innuendo behind for a while.

'I had them decorated myself,' he showed them to her and she finally removed her hand from his knee to take them in her hands. They're heavier than I thought,' she said and truly seemed to enjoy the intricate decor. 'My husband used to ask me to approve his work. The jewellery he made was beautiful.'

'So I've heard,' Aramis said delicately as he tried to keep the conversation away from anything remotely sexual.

* * *

For the rest of the trip, that took many hours, Aramis managed to keep her hands off him occasionally as they discussed her husband's work as the palace jeweller and his job as a musketeer. At one point she was rather insistent that he show her the old scar on his shoulder from a blade and she did manage to quickly run her hands down his bare chest.

In the end he survived the carriage trip with Madame Joubert as they booked the inn for her. The musketeers shared a room and Aramis collapsed in a heap on one of the beds.

'How was it?' Porthos ventured after a short silence.

'She couldn't keep her hands off me!' Aramis exclaimed and covered his eyes with his hand.

'I would have thought you of all people would be used to that,' Athos said dryly as Aramis glared and Porthos laughed.

'Don't worry,' Aramis smiled. 'You two will get your turns soon enough,' Aramis smiled triumphantly as their expressions fell.

'Any tips?' Porthos asked worriedly.

'Why should I give you any? I had to do it without!'

'Because you're our brother and you wouldn't abandon us,' Athos replied matter-of-factly.

'We agreed it was every man for himself,' Aramis smirked back as for a moment Athos and Porthos thought he wouldn't tell them anything.

'Please?' there was a hint of desperation rarely heard in Athos' voice.

Aramis sighed dramatically. 'Alright.' He moved to the edge of the bed to look at them. 'Talk to her about her husband. She loves to talk about him and his work as the palace jeweller. While she's distracted she tends to just leave her hand on your knee.' At these words Athos squirmed a little but Aramis ignored him. 'I hope you both have something pretty to admire as she was rather interested in the decoration on my pistols and give her all the gory details of our jobs and fights. Be careful as I've probably already told the best ones. Of course she may have realised what I've done and be aware of these tactics,' Aramis smiled as he finished but at least his brothers had some idea how to potentially diffuse the situation.

'Let's get some sleep,' Athos said as Aramis fell asleep rather quickly due to exhaustion but Athos and Porthos struggled to rest as they couldn't help but fear the worst of Madame Joubert.

* * *

The next morning the musketeers were up early and quickly washed and dressed although Aramis did notice Athos and Porthos giving themselves a more thorough clean than usual and trimming their beards. They arrived downstairs and ordered some breakfast and it wasn't long before Madame Joubert appeared wearing a bright red gown. She had brought no maidservant so she had employed the help of one the innkeeper's daughters and sat close to Athos.

'So Athos...I want to hear all about you today,' she smiled and squeezed his knee underneath the table causing a reflex kick that hit Aramis' boot who showed no sign of anything unusual happening, although there was a slight quirk to his lips.

She moved closer him so that her leg was touching his all the way through breakfast and Athos had to do his best not to pull away. Aramis was constantly looking at Athos and Athos wanted to wipe the smug grin out of his brother's eyes.

Soon Athos was in the carriage with Viola and Aramis was very happy to be atop of Toffee again. Much like before Viola had pinched Athos' backside and although he was ready for it he couldn't stop his reaction. Aramis was smiling broadly at seeing his brother in the same dilemma he had been in previously. Karma was cruel.

Athos soon felt claustrophobic in the carriage and Viola's hand was quickly on his knee. He was also aware that she was staring at him and that was making him even more uncomfortable.

'You seem like the quiet type,' she said to gauge his reaction. There was no reaction. 'Aramis is rather talkative when he gets going but you're going to be more of a problem I think,' her hand moved up Athos' thigh and he had to shut his eyes. 'You have secrets.'

'And I'm not about to divulge them to you!' he snapped before realising what he had done. It had however had the desired effect of removing her hand from his thigh. He looked across at her and was surprised to see her smiling.

'You're going to be a challenge,' she said grinning and Athos gulped. 'Here, have some wine.' She offered him a water-skin but Athos shook his head.

'Thank you, but I'm still technically on duty,' he said as politely as he could manage.

'Duty is important to you,' it wasn't a question so Athos didn't bother to answer. 'You are clearly noble,' Athos turned to look at her and saw a knowing smile, 'but it's not something that you acknowledge.'

'I am a musketeer. My past is irrelevant,' Athos settled slightly as her eyes turned warm. It didn't last long though as she pushed herself closer to him. Like Aramis he had removed his sword belt and Viola was suddenly rather interested in his scarf.

Athos flinched slightly as she touched his neck and removed the scarf and held it in her hands. She could hold it as long as she wanted as at least she wasn't touching him!

'This is fine wool,' she mused as her hands ran over it. 'Where did you get it?'

'It was made by our governess,' he said quietly as he finally acknowledged his noble birth. 'For my brother,' he finished quietly. Madame Joubert could see this was a difficult subject but there was something truly fascinating about Athos.

She quickly reached up and wound the scarf around Athos' neck and quickly took advantage by rubbing her hands down his chest, over his leathers. Athos could feel himself squirming but that only seemed to delight Viola more. She pinched his chest causing him to grimace while she smiled.

'Not an inch of fat on you, is there?' she said seductively and Athos thought he would rather be facing a firing squad at that moment. Then he noticed something.

'That is a lovely ring,' he said quietly as Viola blushed and finally let go of him.

'My husband had exquisite taste,' she was truly lit up that he had mentioned it. 'The Queen loved his designs and many are worn by her.'

'The Queen does indeed have an extensive collection of jewellery and exquisite taste,' Athos agreed trying to keep the conversation going.

They passed the time by talking at length about the King and Queen and Viola snuggled up to her musketeer but her hands remained largely on his knee when he was explaining things and thankfully didn't inch further up as he had dreaded. The next inn appeared and Athos was glad of his freedom. He sympathised with Aramis now and both men shared a knowing look. Porthos' turn next.

* * *

The next day dawned bright and sunny like the last and Porthos was well aware that it was his turn inside the 'nightmare carriage' as he called it. Once again Madame Joubert was sat eagerly next to Porthos at breakfast, this time in pink, as she had Athos the previous morning. Porthos tried to keep calm but also realised that the other two had probably worn out a lot of topics and he hoped he could try and keep her away from him.

After receiving the customary pinch on his backside Porthos rather inelegantly sat in the carriage as he plonked himself down on the seat. Being larger than the other two often had its advantages as it made him rather intimidating but this time it meant there was no way he could avoid Viola's touch as she was a large woman herself.

Viola squeezed in next to him and Porthos realised there was no point in suggesting that he move onto the opposite seat as she had already wound her arm around his and the other hand was on his left knee. Just like the others had said.

'You're a big one aren't you?' she looked positively gleeful as she clung to him while he squirmed.

The carriage was tight and claustrophobic and Porthos was hoping they would reach Paris as soon as possible.

'I like large men.' Her eyes twinkled and Porthos resisted the urge to grab her and throw to the other side of the carriage. Then again she might like that!

'Most people are scared of me,' he muttered.

'Oh, you're just one big cuddly bear,' she moved so she was now sat on his lap and Porthos caught a glimpse of a smirking Aramis from one window and a moment later Athos from the other.

'And just like a bear I'm good at ripping people apart!' he tried to scare her using his deepest growl but that only seemed to have the opposite effect as she threw her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. He could feel her breath prickling his ear and just sighed. This woman was not about to be intimidated by him. Was she intimidated by anyone or anything?

'Athos and Aramis are rather skinny compared to you,' she giggled as Porthos tried to move her but found her stubbornly resisting his attempts to move her back on to the seat.

'Yeah, they're scrawny buggers,' he said quietly into her shoulder. 'Shoulda seen 'em before I got to 'em!'

She leant back so she could trace a finger down his chest over his leathers and smiled, 'I bet you taught them a thing or two about proper men.' She grinned and Porthos felt like crying at his situation.

'I'll have you know I'm offended by that Viola,' Aramis' face appeared through the window.

'As am I!' Athos chorused on the other side. Porthos was thankful for their intervention as she had stopped touching his chest. Now he just had to get her off his lap!

'Oh, you are good friends aren't you?' she smiled as she shifted back onto the seat as Porthos felt the blood returning to his legs, giving him pins and needles in the process. 'The four I had last time were just soldiers who knew each other. I suspect that you are all very good friends,' she moved her eyebrows suggestively.

'We are merely good friends,' Athos stated calmly.

'If you say so,' she retorted before giving Porthos' knee a squeeze making him jolt.

A silent look between the three of them told each other to let her believe what she wanted. Madame Joubert watched this silent interaction with interest but she couldn't decipher it. Another challenge for her to understand them.

* * *

For the rest of the journey Viola and Porthos talked about many things although Porthos remained tight-lipped about his upbringing much to Viola's chagrin. She hadn't met many men like Porthos and was disappointed not to find out more about him. Once again she kept in contact with him and at one point made rather lavish noises as she ran her hands over his biceps. Apparently she had never seen muscles that big.

Porthos breathed a sigh of relief as they arrived at the Louvre and instantly the musketeers saw the smirk on Captain Tréville's face as he waited to greet them.

The musketeers sent their best 'We hate you' looks but that just seemed to amuse him even more.

'Oh Jean!' Madame Joubert called as she rushed up to him and enveloped him in her arms before a cheeky pat on his backside. He seemed to take it in his stride.

'It is good to see you again Viola,' he smiled. 'I trust your journey was pleasant?' He looked at the musketeers who were still glaring at him.

'Oh perfectly,' she said seductively. 'You gave me some good one's this time. I think I will enjoy my stay with them guarding me.'

The musketeers closed their eyes as they realised they were expected to guard Madame Joubert for the duration of her stay.

'I'm sure you will,' Tréville smirked. 'The King wishes to see you,' he offered his arm but Viola flung her arm around his waist grinning as they moved into the Louvre with the musketeers following.

'Viola!' the King's voice rang through the hall.

'Your Majesty,' she said as she curtseyed.

'Did you enjoy your journey?' he flashed a smile at the musketeers who returned it rather awkwardly but Louis didn't seem to notice.

'Immensely,' she giggled.

'Well they are at your disposal for the entirety of your stay,' he grinned back.

'Thank you, Majesty,' she turned to look at the musketeers with wicked mischief in her eyes.

'What time do you require them tomorrow, Madame?' Tréville asked as he was sure they would need to let off steam before returning. Most likely at him.

'Nine o'clock would be perfect, Captain,' she stared at him beadily and to be honest he wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible as well.

* * *

The journey back to the garrison was silent as Tréville waited for the explosion that was bound to come. He admired their restraint in not causing a scene at the palace or in the streets. All three men looked exhausted and would no doubt sleep forever once Madame Joubert left Paris. Thankfully, the Red Guards would be escorting her back to her home as was tradition. That made Tréville chuckle slightly and the reaction was not missed by the other three men.

They dismounted in the courtyard and Tréville waved to them to follow him up to his office. Quite frankly he didn't dare speak as he wouldn't be able to stop laughing. He entered his office and waved at the chairs. Porthos gathered a spare one from the other side of the room. Tréville leant back in his chair to survey the men before him and uneasy silence held between them.

'I can't believe you did that us!' Aramis finally broke the silence.

'That was hell!' Athos added.

'You knew what you were doin', didn't yer?' Porthos growled.

'She's a nightmare!'

'I don't like being touched!'

'She's a ruddy pain!'

Tréville couldn't hold back is laughter anymore at the three angry and frustrated men in front of him.

'I see you have sampled the delights of Madame Joubert,' he chortled as he reached into the cabinet behind him and withdrew four whisky glasses and poured generous measures. Each musketeer took one and drank thirstily. 'Did she insist that you each rode in the carriage with her?' Tréville asked with his eyes twinkling.

'Yes,' came the immediate and heated response from all three men.

'I'm not sure we deserved that,' Aramis grumbled as Tréville watched the three of them.

'Consider that the three of you cause me more paperwork than the rest of the garrison put together,' the Captain smirked. 'Besides, the King insists that Musketeers escort her. A very good family friend she is.'

'Yeah, but you could have sent someone else,' Porthos was looking at his Captain pleadingly hoping that Tréville would let him off this. 'She sat on me!' Athos and Aramis burst out laughing at that while Porthos scowled and Treville looked mildly amused.

'She will be here for four days,' Tréville turned serious. 'You will do your duty and guard her well. Of course you will return here every night apart from the last night of her stay.'

'What does that mean?' Athos was using his best death glare and to be honest it still frightened Tréville to see it but he found that he could school his face to show it didn't affect him.

'On the final night of her stay she traditionally invites the musketeers who have protected her to stay the night in her room,' Tréville had to swallow a laugh at the three men before him. Normally so good at hiding their emotions but pure shock and fear covered them now.

'You're not serious, right?' Aramis asked hopefully and Tréville had honestly never seen the usually calm and collected marksman look so afraid of a woman.

'He is,' Athos replied staring at his captain.

'Oh,' Porthos huffed. 'She was climbing all over me!' he exclaimed as he slouched in the chair looking more pitiful than the others had ever seen him.

'If it's any consolation I had to do it too,' Tréville finally showed some sympathy as he looked at his best men who were looking as if they would rather face twenty armed men than one woman. Come to think of it given the option Tréville would take the men anytime as well.

'You're an evil man, Captain,' Athos said his expression steely but Tréville could see that his blue eyes had softened and there was little heat in the statement.

'Get some rest,' Tréville downed his whisky. 'You'll need it.' The others followed suit as they downed their whiskey and headed for their own beds. Tréville pondered that he had never seen them look so pathetic.

* * *

The next three days the musketeers reported for duty and found themselves being slapped and pinched on the backside numerous times throughout the day while they tried to show no reaction to anything that had happened. One unfortunate time was when the Cardinal was speaking and Viola pinched Aramis rather hard making him emit a small squeaking sound. His Eminence was not impressed. Each day Viola had wandered the grounds while clinging to one of them and pointing things out to distract them so she could touch them some more. All three of them were fearing for their own sanity and were constantly struggling to keep their tempers in check.

Porthos appeared to be struggling the most as the stream of innuendo that came his way due to comments about his size was really embarrassing him and he wanted the ground to swallow him up constantly.

Athos and Aramis were bearing it as best they could but both of them were struggling to hide their frustration. Captain Tréville was rather surprised that they hadn't let him have it again but he was sure that was bound to come.

The final night was the one they had been dreading and to make matters worse it seemed that everyone knew about it. Even the King had asked whether she intended to 'enjoy herself tonight'. With apprehension the musketeers followed Madame Joubert to her chambers and found that she had indeed stayed in one of the 'better' guest rooms.

'Right weapons off,' she chimed looking delighted, 'and doublets.'

'I don't suppose there would be much point in arguing that we cannot protect you without our weapons?' Athos sighed as she just shook her head smiling. The musketeers complied but as slowly as they could get away with. Viola didn't seem to mind as she watched them undo numerous belt buckles and finally remove their leather doublets leaving them in their shirts and breeches.

It was ten o'clock at night but the sun was just setting as was the norm in summer. All three musketeers were looking rather worried as Madame Joubert realised she could now read them all individually without problem. Athos was still difficult but his eyes betrayed his emotions. The silent communications between them though were still impossible to decipher.

'Now, Porthos. Will you sit with me?' she smiled widely as Porthos tried to fight his instinct to run and never return. She patted the edge of the bed she was sat on and she was wearing a rather stunning red dress which was adorned with black lace and clearly showed off her bosom. Porthos didn't dare look at the other two but if he had he would have seen sympathy in their eyes.

He carefully sat down and she immediately shuffled herself towards him and placed a hand on his knee. She lifted her other hand and started to glide her fingers down his face and Porthos looked truly uncomfortable. Thankfully for Aramis and Athos she seemed to have forgotten them completely.

'Can't think there is part of you that is small,' she purred and Porthos had to work hard to stop the wince and his desire to flee. He flinched as she touched his chest where his shirt was open but she didn't seem to notice or rather she didn't care.

Suddenly they heard shouting coming from outside and as the gloom was starting to overcome the light the Inseparables saw red guards and musketeers alike charging outside.

'Forgive us, Madame Joubert,' Aramis breathed as he shrugged into his doublet and grabbed his weapons. 'We must see to the disruption.' Athos and Aramis fled out of the door to find out what was going on.

'I should go too,' Porthos said as he rose to his feet but Viola pulled him back down.

'But then I'll be alone,' she said in a frightened voice and Porthos didn't have the heart to leave her.

* * *

Athos and Aramis looked behind them and saw that Porthos wasn't following. Together they realised that at least one of them had to stay behind so they shrugged and moved towards the noise. Captain Tréville was stood supervising the search.

'Where do you need us?' Aramis asked as he held both pistols to hand.

'Porthos stayed,' Athos said answering the Captain's unasked question.

'About ten men managed to get past the West Gate but they have run off into the grounds. With the light fading we need to find them as quickly as possible,' Tréville looked at both Athos and Aramis who nodded and headed into the gardens.

Six of the invaders were found and captured while the remaining four were killed. Aramis had killed one as he snuck up on Athos as the darkness affected everyone's vision. Athos and Aramis reported back to Tréville and by now it was well past midnight.

'Is there really any point in us going back?' Aramis was almost pleading and Tréville rarely heard that tone of his voice.

'We would only become a disturbance,' Athos said flatly making it clear exactly what he thought.

'Alright,' Tréville conceded. 'But I will not protect you from Porthos!'

Athos and Aramis rode back to the garrison with the rest of the musketeers and slept rather guiltily and comfortably in their own beds.

* * *

Dawn broke and Athos and Aramis had an unspoken agreement that they should be there when Madame Joubert woke. The first person they saw was a disgruntled Porthos who exited Madame Joubert's room and merely glared. Athos and Aramis had never seen him so furious.

Porthos smiled as Madame Joubert exited the room and escorted her to breakfast with the King and Queen. Madame Joubert was smiling broadly and Athos and Aramis couldn't help but wonder at what had happened to Porthos during the night.

Soon Madame Joubert's carriage awaited and she hugged all three of her musketeers, as well as a final pinch of their backsides each, before she entered the carriage along with her chosen and clearly fearful red guard. That did make the musketeers smirk. She waved out of the carriage and they happily returned it as the relief flowed through them. Once she was out of sight Tréville spoke.

'I hope you all learned your lesson,' he smiled. 'You can have the rest of the week off. You deserve it.'

'Thank you, Captain,' they chorused.

'Well, I'm a new man. I promise,' Aramis quipped as he placed his hand on his heart while Tréville rolled his eyes and Athos snorted in derision.

'I'll believe that when I see it,' Tréville said quietly as they mounted their horses and returned to the garrison. Tréville was slightly unnerved by the fact that Porthos was ignoring everybody. Athos and Aramis had talked between them but Porthos hadn't joined in. At all.

As they dismounted in the garrison Porthos stormed away to his room without a word to anybody.

'I think he's pissed at us,' Aramis said as he placed his hands on his hips and looked at Athos.

'Really, what gives you that impression,' Athos shot back sarcastically.

'You left him,' Tréville turned to face them. 'I doubt he's going to be happy about that. Give him time. He'll forgive you.' Tréville walked up the stairs to his office as Athos and Aramis sat at the table they frequented. Serge hobbled out with some stew which they ate gratefully.

Porthos appeared an hour later but only gave them a glance before taking his stew, (Serge had made a second batch), and stomped off to his room.

'I've never seen him this furious,' Aramis admitted.

'Me neither,' Athos said looking worried.

* * *

The silence continued for a week. Captain Tréville even sent them on an errand together to try and solve it but Porthos only answered when he was asked a question relevant to their task. He did not partake in the conversations that Aramis and Athos started and it was becoming rather frightening.

Captain Tréville had also had enough.

'Fix it!' he said loudly as Athos and Aramis relayed what had happened and how Porthos was acting.

'How?' Athos said finally losing his calm demeanour.

'This is your fault for leaving him with Madame Joubert. Fix it,' Tréville's impatience was showing. He couldn't have the Inseparables becoming separated!

'He moves away whenever we go near,' Aramis whined. 'Short of locking him up-.' Aramis' eyes held a twinkle as he looked at Athos. Tréville watched as their legendary silent communication took over. 'Are you thinking what I'm thinking?' Aramis was grinning and Athos' lips were quirked in an almost smile.

'I believe I am,' he responded.

'Whatever it is. Do it,' Tréville looked from one to the other. 'I don't want to know do I?' Athos and Aramis shook their heads as they then turned and left Tréville's office.

* * *

It was early in the morning and although the sun rose early in summer most of the musketeers remained asleep. Athos and Aramis exited Aramis' room which was right next to Porthos'. They could hear him snoring through the walls so they knew their quarry was still asleep. Dressed only in their shirts and breeches they silently opened Porthos' bedroom door and entered the room. Porthos gave a distorted snort but his breathing indicated he was still asleep.

Aramis crept closer and nodded that Porthos was still asleep. Athos signalled, three, two, one and Aramis pounced. He straddled Porthos chest and held his friend's right arm by his side with his left knee while he helped Athos wrap the rope around Porthos' left wrist and attach it to the bed frame.

'What you doing?' Porthos roared sleepily as Athos and Aramis struggled to attach the big man's right wrist to the bed. Finally they accomplished their task as Athos quickly opened the door to see some very drowsy musketeers looking towards the noise they had created.

'Porthos had a nightmare, its ok. We're sorting it,' he said in a commanding voice and the other musketeers shuffled back into their own rooms to get back to sleep.

'Untie me now,' Porthos growled as he looked up at Aramis who was still straddling his chest.

'He spoke to me,' Aramis smiled cheerfully at Athos.

'That is an improvement,' Athos smirked back.

'What are you playin' at?' Porthos hissed as he was aware of the other musketeers trying to sleep.

'You kept walking away when we tried to talk to you,' Athos said matter-of-factly. 'Now you can't.'

'Duh!' Porthos managed and the others were pleased to see the slight smirk. Aramis finally moved and dragged two chairs over for him and Athos to sit on.

'We know you're annoyed because we left you,' Aramis stated.

'But you would have done the same if Viola hadn't picked you first,' Athos said calmly.

'Yeah, I would,' Porthos admitted.

'What happened?' Aramis asked without his usual mirth. He looked sympathetic like he did when you finally told him how much pain you were in from an injury.

Porthos nodded down to his chest and Aramis carefully lifted his shirt to reveal healing nail scratches. Aramis and Athos shared a glance of sympathy.

'Once the alert was over she realised you two weren't coming back,' Porthos huffed. 'So I got all of her attention! I've never been touched, scratched or pinched so much in my life! Thankfully she fell asleep quite quickly.'

'So you didn't have to...,' Athos squirmed.

'Thankfully, no,' Porthos sighed in relief. 'After the fear of everything going on I was surprised she fell asleep so quickly,' Porthos added looking confused. Porthos' and Athos' eyes met and in synchronisation they turned towards Aramis who was now staring at the floor and failing to hide a massive grin.

'Yer didn't?' Porthos asked disbelievingly.

'You did, didn't you?' Athos actually grinned.

'It was my back-up plan,' Aramis giggled.

'You drugged the wine!' Porthos fell flat on his pillow huffing laughter.

'When?' Athos asked as he hadn't noticed anything.

'I saw the decanter in the afternoon and while we were undressing I may have slipped a sleep draught into it,' Aramis grinned guiltily. 'She only really had eyes for Porthos and you two were busy taking as long as possible to undress. She didn't notice me.'

'We're sorry for leaving you,' Athos said quietly. 'But we did agree that it was every man for himself.' Athos placed a hand on Porthos' shoulder who smiled back warmly.

'Are we friends again?' Aramis asked playfully.

'Yeah,' Porthos sighed. 'You two were becoming irritatin'. Tryin' to get my attention. Can you untie please? I really need to pee!'

'Of course, mon ami,' Aramis laughed as he and Athos undid the ropes and left Porthos alone.

'He's still going to want revenge, isn't he?' Aramis mused as Athos nodded.

* * *

Later the musketeers found themselves sparring with the new recruits in hand to hand combat. The new recruits were still green and enthusiastic which also made them easy prey for experienced musketeers. A lesson with the Inseparables would set them right. Captain Tréville watched from the shadows of the balcony and was happy to see Porthos greet Athos and Aramis warmly. Porthos was the 'go-to' man when it came to hand to hand training.

Porthos smiled at the recruits and suddenly turned and lifted Aramis over his shoulder and threw him into the hay pile. Athos knew his fate and tried to get away but the cadets who were watching eagerly blocked his escape. Athos also found himself over Porthos' shoulder and joined Aramis in the hay.

'Nice to meet you. My name's Aramis,' Aramis held his hand out to Athos as though they were strangers.

'Athos,' they shook hands. Tréville chuckled quietly from his hidden position.

'Right you two. Out you get,' Porthos called.

'I'm happy right here,' Aramis called back.

'As am I,' Athos agreed as he folded his arms.

Porthos turned to the six cadets in front of him and then back to his brothers grinning widely.

'I think you two had better get running,' he chortled. 'You know the rules. No weapons and no leaving the garrison.'

Athos and Aramis looked at each other in dismay. 'Catch me if you can,' they groaned together sighing in resignation before jumping up and running in opposite directions.

'Today's lesson is to find Aramis and Athos and bring them back using only hand to hand techniques,' Porthos instructed the cadets. 'Remember to pull yer punches and if you're hit you go down. This is sparring so we don't want to hurt each other but you have to act as though you been hit properly,' Porthos said seriously. 'Just because there are three of you to one of them don't think this will be easy. You may get 'em but don't think it's over. They're clever sods those two. They will report yer techniques to me and we will work on them after. First team back with their prisoner wins.'

'What do we win?' one grouchy cadet asked.

'Bragging rights,' Porthos said simply but the cadet obviously thought there would be an actual prize.

'There are no prizes when you're fighting for your and your brothers' lives,' Porthos added seriously. 'You three find Athos. He went towards the dormitories and you three find Aramis. He escaped to the infirmary. Right. Go,' Porthos shouted and was somewhat amused with eagerness of the cadets as they hunted Athos and Aramis.

Porthos sat down at their regular bench and smiled. He looked over and saw Tréville descending the stairs and the Captain sat next to him moments later.

'You're going to enjoy your revenge, aren't you?' the Captain smiled.

'Oh I intend to,' Porthos smiled back.

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed this fic and please review to let me know what you thought. :)  
**

 **I'm currently thinking about adding a chapter including D'Artagnan's first meeting with Madame Joubert but it may be a while coming.**

 **I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a great 2017. :)**


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